He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
