Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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