I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
drinking out of a sandbucket again
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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