The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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