I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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