Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
