i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
