I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
