He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
