I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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