remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
