i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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