ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
