You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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