cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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