dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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