I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
