I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How does one acquire holy water?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
