Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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