I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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