Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
