My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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