woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
