and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
