first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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