the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
