We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
