U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
