Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
