How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
