i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
