...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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