I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
