Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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