everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
we're so committed to being not committed
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