Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
