More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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