He had one of those small greek statue penises
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
