Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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