he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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