Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
