WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
