We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
