I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
