Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
