god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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