Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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