it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
