You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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