Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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