all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
