a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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