brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
