just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
