When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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