Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
