I'm gonna have a badass scar
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
